Sept. 11: A memorial just in time

EDISON — At her granddaughter’s birthday party on a recent soggy Sunday afternoon, Tami Kanter explained why the 10th anniversary of 9/11 doesn’t mean that much to her.

“To me, it’s another year. The 10th doesn’t make it that much more special,” said Kanter, whose late husband, Sheldon Kanter, 53, was a systems vice president for Cantor Fitzgerald’s eSpeed division working on the 103th floor of the World Trade Center’s North Tower.

What matters, she said, is completing New Jersey’s 9/11 memorial at Liberty State Park on the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attack that killed her husband. Tami Kanter, who was a member of the foundation behind the project, is happy that the memorial will be open to the public on Sept. 10, and that Gov. Chris Christie will speak at its dedication ceremony.

“Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. But as far as 10 being a magic number — no,” she said emphatically.

Meanwhile, two additions to her family count for a lot more.

“The biggest gift we have is our granddaughters,” Kanter said, as family, friends and a band of happy children milled about her Edison home.

Madison, who was celebrating her fourth birthday, and Isabelle, her 6-year-old sister, have heard many stories about their grandfather from their father, Adam, and uncle, Evan, as well as from other family members.

“It’s kinda shocking that 10 years have already gone by,” said Adam Kanter, 30, who lives in Sicklerville with his wife, Stefanie, and their two daughters.

One of the hardest things about losing his father, Adam Kanter said, “is (my dad) not being able to meet his grandkids and my wife. He would have made an amazing grandfather.”

Adam Kanter described the first three years after his father died as “an eternity,” adding that the next seven years went by relatively quickly. Kanter said he was in shock, disbelief and a lot of denial when he first learned that his dad was among the hundreds of Cantor Fitzgerald employees who perished.

His big brother echoed the sentiment.

“A year after, two years, three years — it was at the top of your mind,” said Evan Kanter, 32, of Bayonne.

Early on, the family was swept up in a whirlwind of 9/11 funerals, memorials and related events.

Even family celebrations, such as her nephew’s bar mitzvah in November 2001, took on a somber tone, Tami Kanter said, when her nephew requested that donations go to the Red Cross in lieu of gifts.

While life is calmer now, the loss is still deeply felt.

“It’s a process. I’ve gotten used to life this way,” Evan Kanter added quietly.

As one of Cantor Fitzgerald’s youngest interns, Rutgers University freshman Evan Kanter got to know many of his father’s colleagues.

He said it was ironic that about 30 or 40 of them got laid off the day before 9/11.

Every year on his father’s birthday — July 27 — Evan Kanter visits the World Trade Center site. His brother usually takes his wife and children to the Family Room overlooking Ground Zero.

In May, when U.S. Navy SEALS killed Osama bin Laden, the so-called mastermind of the 9/11 terrorist attack, Tami Kanter said she was riveted by the TV news. But family reaction was muted.

“I was happy but had no extreme feelings,” Adam Kanter said. “It was a good thing, but I wasn’t losing any sleep over it.”

Both sons talked about how they grew to love sports because of their father’s passion for baseball, football, basketball, racquetball, tennis and bowling, among others.

“What I remember most is watching sports and playing sports,” Evan Kanter said. “We would go to Yankee Stadium on Old-Timers’ Day every year (for Father’s Day, even though both sons are Mets fans). Today, I still play sports and love watching, and built my business around sports.”

Evan Kanter graduated from Rutgers University, earned an MBA at Pace University, and now owns a Web-based sports memorabilia business.

Unlike his “company man” father, and a mother who worked at JP Morgan Chase for 31 years before she retired, Adam Kanter has his own business, the Rum Bar in Philadelphia. He also is a trained chef.

As he headed back in the rain to the outdoor grill, Adam Kanter marveled at how much his father resembled his grandfather.

“I watched an old home video of my dad when he was a baby,” he said.

“Watching my grandfather be the kind of dad that my father was to me made me want to be a father.”