Note: This migrant mother’s name was changed to honor her request to remain anonymous.
November 26, 2019 — When Maxine first came to America, she left her two sons in Jamaica with their father. She asked family members to help her husband take care of her boys, who were both under the age of 5 at the time. Maxine admitted that she had both economic and non-economic motivations for leaving home.
“I’d say more than 60 percent of the reason I left was not money – it was my emotional aspect. That was the basis of my leaving,” she said.
After her first trip to America in the summer of 2000, she kept traveling back and forth, finding jobs in the senior-care sector. The money she earned taking care of sick and elderly people in America covered most of her family’s bills back home, including the fees to send her sons to good private schools.
However, her relationship continued to unravel and she contemplated moving to America for good. Maxine had a conversation with her sons, who were now about 9 and 12 years old.
“Daddy doesn’t make you happy, so don’t come back,” they told her, supporting her decision to move, despite knowing that the separation would be painful.
As a very loving and conscientious mother, Maxine is committed to her sons’ happiness and well-being. She meets the challenges of long-distance parenting by constant communication. Maxine has cell phone conversations with her sons every day, keeps up with their schoolwork and their emotional lives, and every year she sends plane tickets for them to visit her for Christmas and summer vacations.
“It felt as if they were never away from me because we were talking on the phone morning, noon and night! We converse so often,” Maxine said. “And they’re here with me for the whole summer – all the time,” she added. Her sons are now grown; they are intelligent and well-mannered young men who both attend college in Jamaica. Of course, they still spend time with their mom during the summer and on major holidays.
Maxine says she discusses every important life decision with her boys, and they seek her guidance on both major and minor matters. They have always been a close-knit family — her sons not only appreciate her sacrifices, they understand why she made them.
Asked if she has any regrets, Maxine was reflective.
“Well, it doesn’t matter – I wasn’t happy being with my spouse so I couldn’t have peace of mind while I was there, and how can you have peace of mind when you should be with your children?” she asked. “I was torn between two things, but it was better for me to leave and send money back because I wasn’t happy – the relationship was dead.”
Maxine is grateful that her sons are well on their way to successful lives. “I know that I’m giving my sons a good education,” she said. If she had stayed in Jamaica, paying for their education would not have been possible.
And, like Maxine, migrant mothers all around the world make major sacrifices so their children can have a better life.